I was adding some new photos to the blog today and began to reminisce. I looked at posts from my pregnancy leading up to the first few posts after Ben’s birth, and I came to a conclusion: I had a lot more time to write back then! With my promotion a few month’s after Ben’s birth, the new job of being a working mother, the added responsibilities of maintaining a house, attempting to be a good wife, and the recent diagnosis of thyroid failure, I’ve been a little tired. I know for a few years now, it’s been by miracle that posts have even made it onto the site, let alone posts with more than a few sentences describing the photos. So for those who still visit the site, thanks for you support and encouragement. And I hope to change the content and frequency of posts.
Ben is coming up on 3 years old.
Being a mom isn’t easy, but it gets easier as we go. Looking back at the first posts, we were so worried about everything – he’s not eating, the organic diapers don’t work, he didn’t start to talk in line with the developmental milestones, yadda yadda yadda.
Now, I worry about the crashing sound I hear in the other room. I worry that he’s going to be a brat child because he is insubordinate to me. I worry that he misses me since he turns into a different person when I get home – one that is barely recognizable to Blake who is home with him all the time. I worry that he’s going to be lonely because he’s an only child and because we don’t know anyone with young kids (although the Y helps with this worry because he meets kids while I exercise). I worry that he’s going to be a crappy eater because mom and daddy eat garbage, which then makes be worry that he will struggle with his weight like both mom and dad.
So many worries. And I tend to suppress them all. With all the responsibilities at this point in my life, I can’t be the neurotic mom I originally planned to be. Good, bad, or otherwise, I will be a different parent than originally intended.
But I think it will be ok. Somehow we’ve kept Ben alive for almost 3 years! With only one ER visit (see this post). Sure, he is spoiled with so many more toys than I ever intended. Yeah, he still co-sleeps with me and I admit I like it. But we’re doing ok. Ben is super smart, happy, sweet most of the time, adorable, and addicted to chocolate. I’m ok with all that, and I’m excited to see Ben continue to grow into an improved version of his parents.